If a friendship feels one-sided, is it okay to take a step back?

Hey, Best Friend,

I am constantly worrying about being a good friend. 

I tend to overcompensate by going out of my way

to be there for all of my friends in any way they 

need me. But, with some friends, it’s feeling a 

little one sided. 

Am I a bad friend for wanting to pull back?

Hi Bestie,

If you’ve been the friend who always shows up—the one who rearranges your schedule, sends the “just checking in” texts, remembers the birthdays, and is there in every crisis—you’ve probably wondered: If I start doing less, will people think I’m a bad friend?

It’s an uncomfortable question because most of us value loyalty and generosity in our friendships. But here’s the truth: wanting to pull back when a relationship feels one-sided doesn’t make you a bad friend. It makes you a human being with limits.

Friendship Should Be a Two-Way Street. Full stop.

Healthy friendships are built on mutual care, respect, and effort. That doesn’t mean every interaction is perfectly balanced—sometimes one person carries more during certain seasons. But when the dynamic becomes consistently one-sided, it can leave you feeling drained, resentful, and undervalued.

I've learned that many people over-give in friendships for a few reasons:

• Fear of losing the friendship – thinking if you’re not “useful,” you won’t be valued.

• Guilt – believing it’s selfish to say no or set limits.

• Identity – seeing yourself as “the dependable one” and feeling pressure to live up to it.

While these come from a place of care, they can also lead to burnout and emotional exhaustion. The key is knowing the signs it's time to pull back. You have to listen to your body. Take the time to assess how you feel when you interact with them.

• You may feel anxious or resentful every time they ask for help.

• You might notice your needs are rarely considered.

• You start avoiding calls or messages because you feel overwhelmed.

• You can’t remember the last time they checked in on you.

You must set clear boundaries. I had to learn this the hard way. But, setting boundaries actually made me a better friend. You can't pour from an empty cup. If you are always giving, who is pouring into you?

Friendship is not about constant sacrifice—it’s about connection, joy, and mutual support. Pulling back from a one-sided dynamic doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you’re creating space for healthier, more balanced relationships to grow.

The people who truly value you will understand—and may even appreciate the honesty.

Keep me posted!

Love you, Best Friend!