Do I Stay to Please My Family or Leave to Protect My Peace?

Hey, Best Friend!

I've been in an unhappy/unhealthy marriage for years. I've been lied to, cheated on and betrayed. I've let go and moved on. My old school family is now disappointed in me for walking away. Do I stay to please my family and betray myself? I just want to be happy! Please help!

Hi Bestie,

Let’s talk about one of the hardest crossroads you might ever face: when your family wants you to stay in a marriage that is hurting you, but your heart and spirit know you need to walk away.

It’s a tension that leaves you torn between loyalty and self-preservation. And if you’ve been in an unhappy or unhealthy marriage marked by lies, betrayal, or even abuse, you already know the toll it takes to survive day after day in that environment.

But here’s the deeper wound—when the people you love most, your family, don’t support your decision to leave. Instead of wrapping you in comfort, they make you feel guilty, judged, and pressured to “stick it out” in the name of tradition, appearances, or culture.

So, what do you do? Do you stay for their approval—or do you finally choose yourself?

Let’s unpack this.

Why Walking Away Feels So Heavy

Leaving a marriage is never easy. It doesn’t matter if it lasted one year or twenty—the bond, the history, and the hope you once carried make letting go feel like failure. Add in a family that was raised on “till death do us part” values, and the guilt can feel suffocating.

But here’s the truth: marriage isn’t sacred if the trust is gone.

If you’ve been cheated on, lied to, and betrayed, you’ve already been carrying more than one person should. That weight isn’t yours to hold anymore.

Family may see leaving as breaking tradition. You? You know staying means breaking yourself.

The Old-School Mindset vs. Your Modern Reality

Our families, especially those with old-school values, often see marriage as an unbreakable contract. Divorce, to them, means shame, failure, or dishonor.

But we’re not living in their world.

We’re living in a world where women get to rewrite the rules. Where happiness and mental health matter. Where staying silent in pain isn’t seen as noble—it’s seen as dangerous.

Your family might still measure “success” by how long you stay married. But you get to measure success by how healthy, safe, and joyful your life feels.

Choosing Yourself Isn’t Selfish

Repeat this until it sticks:

-Choosing yourself is not selfish—it’s survival.

-You were not put on this earth to be a sacrifice for tradition. You were not created to be a background character in your own life.

-Yes, family matters. But you know who else matters? You.

-Your happiness. Your peace. Your healing.

If you betray yourself to make them comfortable, you’ll carry resentment, depression, and exhaustion. And let’s be honest—how long can anyone live that way before it completely breaks them?

How to Handle Family Disappointment

Walking away is one step. Handling the fallout with your family is another battle entirely. Here are some steps to navigate:

1. Set Boundaries

   -Be clear about what’s not up for discussion. Your marriage ended because it was unhealthy——PERIOD. You don’t owe long explanations to anyone.

2. Redirect Conversations

   -When family tries to guilt-trip you, gently but firmly redirect: “I appreciate your concern, but this is what I need to heal and build a better life.”

3. Find Your Safe Circle

   -Surround yourself with friends, mentors, or support groups who see your strength and not your “failure.” Sometimes, chosen family is more healing than blood relatives.

4. Don’t Internalize Their Beliefs

   -Their disappointment is a reflection of their values, not your worth. Your life is not their reputation project.

What Your Future Self Wants You to Know

Picture yourself five years from now.

Would she thank you for staying in a marriage that crushed your spirit just to avoid family drama? Or would she thank you for walking away, reclaiming your joy, and building a new chapter rooted in peace?

I think you already know her answer. 💕

Final Bestie Advice

Bestie, you’re not wrong for wanting to be happy. You’re not wrong for leaving someone who betrayed you. And you’re definitely not wrong for disappointing others in the process of saving yourself.

At the end of the day, you only get one life. One heart. One chance to protect your peace.

So no, don’t stay for them. Don’t betray yourself.

Choose joy. Choose healing. Choose you.

Because the bravest thing you can do is walk away when something no longer serves your soul.

Love you Bestie!