Check the Energy in Your Relationships: Protecting Your Peace & Choosing Better Connections

Hey, Best Friend!

Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily routines that we forget to pause and check in on the spaces that shape us the most—our relationships. Friendships, romantic partnerships, family ties, work connections—they all take up real estate in our lives, and just like the places we live, they can either feel like home or like clutter. Energy doesn’t lie. It shows up in how you feel after a conversation, in how your body reacts to someone’s presence, and in the way your spirit either feels lifted or drained after spending time with them. Think about it for a moment: who are the people you walk away from feeling lighter, energized, inspired, seen? And who are the people you walk away from feeling like you’ve just run an emotional marathon you didn’t sign up for? That contrast is everything. It’s the difference between healthy connections and those that might need a little reevaluation.

Energy is often the silent language of relationships. You can say all the right words and keep up appearances, but underneath, your body knows when something is off. Maybe you’ve noticed that before meeting someone, you feel anxious, heavy, or even start rehearsing excuses in your mind for why you can’t make it. That’s your intuition whispering that the energy exchange in that relationship isn’t balanced. On the flip side, maybe you’ve had those people who make time fly, who leave you feeling fuller than when you arrived, who somehow make your life a little easier just by being themselves. That’s the kind of energy that aligns, that affirms, that supports your growth rather than stifles it.

The tricky part is that not all draining energy shows up as dramatic negativity. Sometimes it’s subtle. A friend who always steers the conversation back to themselves. A partner who doesn’t celebrate your wins with the same excitement you show for theirs. A family member who consistently tests your boundaries, brushing them off as if they don’t matter. These little things add up, and over time they chip away at your sense of self. You begin to shrink a little bit, dim your light a little bit, all to maintain the peace or avoid confrontation. But at what cost? That’s the question we rarely stop to ask ourselves. What does it cost me to keep investing in this connection? What does it cost me to silence myself, to adjust my energy, to carry more than my share of emotional labor just so this relationship can function?

Checking the energy in your relationships doesn’t mean cutting people off left and right the moment something feels off. Relationships are layered, and people are human. We all have bad days, moments of selfishness, times when we fall short. What matters is the pattern. One off day is human. A consistent imbalance is a red flag. Think of it like your bank account—one big purchase won’t bankrupt you, but if you’re constantly withdrawing without making deposits, eventually you’re going to hit overdraft. In relationships, the “deposits” are the laughter, the encouragement, the feeling of safety, the acts of kindness, the willingness to listen. The “withdrawals” are the criticisms, the disregard, the guilt-tripping, the lack of reciprocity. So ask yourself: are the deposits and withdrawals in balance, or are you constantly covering the overdraft fees with your own well-being?

Here’s the part that might sting a little—we also have to look at the energy we bring to the table. It’s easy to point the finger and list all the ways people show up poorly for us, but self-awareness asks us to pause and ask, “How do I show up for others?” Do I listen without waiting for my turn to speak? Do I respect boundaries the way I want mine respected? Do I celebrate others as much as I want to be celebrated? Energy is a two-way street, and we all have blind spots. Sometimes the draining dynamic isn’t just them; sometimes it’s a mix, a mismatch, or a cycle both people are unconsciously feeding into. Owning our part is what allows us to shift the energy in healthier ways rather than staying stuck in blame.

One of the most powerful tools in checking the energy is listening to your body. Before, during, and after time with someone, check in with how you feel. Are your shoulders tense? Do you feel relief when you leave? Or do you feel grounded, light, more like yourself? Your body will often tell you the truth before your mind catches up. If your gut twists every time you see their name pop up on your phone, that’s not something to ignore. If you find yourself exhaling deeply and smiling after a conversation, that’s a sign, too. Pay attention. Those feelings are your compass.

Another layer is looking at whether your relationships align with your growth. Who you were five years ago might not be who you are today. You’ve learned, healed, shifted priorities, maybe discovered parts of yourself you didn’t even know existed. But has everyone in your life grown with you? Sometimes the people who fit perfectly in an old version of your life no longer fit in the one you’re creating now. That doesn’t mean there’s hatred or failure; it just means the season of that connection may have run its course. And as hard as it can be to accept, that’s okay. Outgrowing people is a natural part of evolving. It doesn’t diminish the love or the memories; it just means your energy is seeking alignment elsewhere.

Checking energy also means asking: do I feel safe here? Emotional safety is one of the most underrated parts of relationships. Can you express your truth without fear of being mocked, dismissed, or punished? Can you set boundaries without being guilt-tripped? Do you feel like your whole self is welcome, or do you have to keep parts of yourself hidden to maintain acceptance? When you consistently feel unsafe, you teach yourself to shrink, and over time, that shrinking can leave you disconnected from who you really are. The right relationships don’t require you to play small. They make room for your full self, even the messy parts.

This doesn’t mean every relationship has to be perfect sunshine and ease. Conflict happens. Misunderstandings happen. But in healthy dynamics, there’s repair. There’s willingness to talk, to apologize, to make things right. The energy doesn’t stay stuck in tension; it moves toward resolution. If every disagreement feels like walking through fire, or if there’s never accountability on the other side, that’s a signal. Healthy energy makes room for imperfection without making you feel like the whole foundation is shaky.

So how do you actually do an energy check? Start small. Pick one relationship and reflect: how do I feel after spending time with this person? Do I feel restored or drained? Do I feel like I can be myself? Do I leave feeling heard, valued, and respected? Or do I feel dismissed, used, or exhausted? Then, expand that reflection across the relationships in your life. You might start to see patterns—maybe you notice that certain friendships always feel one-sided, or that your body always relaxes around specific people. Once you see the patterns, you get to decide what to do with them. Sometimes it’s about adjusting your boundaries. Sometimes it’s about having a conversation. Sometimes, yes, it’s about stepping back altogether.

The real freedom comes when you realize you’re allowed to choose where your energy goes. You don’t owe unlimited access to people who consistently drain you. You don’t have to keep showing up in spaces where your light gets dimmed. You’re allowed to protect your peace, to curate your circle, to invest more deeply in the relationships that feed you rather than those that deplete you. And you’re allowed to grow past connections that no longer serve the person you’re becoming.

Here’s the truth: the energy in your relationships will either water you or wither you. If you want to keep blooming, you have to choose carefully where you plant yourself. So pause, reflect, and check in. Your well-being depends on it. And best friend, don’t ever forget—you deserve connections that make you feel alive, seen, and whole.