Am I Wasting Time in My Long-Term Relationship?

Hey, Best Friend!

I've Been dating my best friend for nearly four years. We discuss a future, marriage, and buying a home together, but he hasn't popped the big question. I don't want to move in together without a proposal/commitment. Am I wrong? I'm too old to play house.

Hi Bestie,

I've thought long and hard about this one. I would like to start by saying that you are not wrong for wanting clarity. Nor are you wrong for not wanting to move forward without a commitment. There are so many angles to approach this. At first, I thought he might not want a commitment with you, and he is just stalling. But, the more I think about it, I don't believe that to be true. I think it's simpler than that. It seems to me that he has commitment issues. You stated that you two are best friends. What that means to me is that you know pretty much everything about each other. You know each other's quirks, like, and dislikes. If you look back to when you two were dating other people, you'll notice a pattern of him not committing to anyone. You two are used to sharing feelings and thoughts, so don't hold back now. Have an adult conversation and tell him exactly how you feel. Don't waste any more time. You need to know where your relationship is going before it goes downhill. You will not only lose your partner, but you will lose your best friend too. I hope this provides some help.

Love you, Best Friend!

Now, for some "professional" advice (wink).

Your feelings are valid. You’ve invested time, love, and energy into this relationship. Four years isn’t just a fling—it’s history, growth, and intimacy. So naturally, you want reassurance that the future you’ve talked about is more than pillow-talk.

For many women, moving in together is a major milestone. It isn’t just about splitting rent or sharing groceries—it’s about merging lives. Wanting that step to be tied to a clear commitment (like a proposal) doesn’t make you “old-fashioned.” It makes you someone who knows what she needs in order to feel safe and secure.

Playing House vs. Building a Home

Here’s the difference:

• Playing House is moving in together without a clear commitment. It feels exciting, but it can leave you vulnerable—investing emotionally and financially without knowing if it’s leading anywhere.

• Building a Home is creating a foundation that’s rooted in shared commitment, respect, and a timeline you both agree on. That could mean a proposal, a plan, or even a clear discussion about when marriage will happen.

You’re not “too old to play house.” You’re wise enough to know you don’t want to gamble with your time or heart. This doesn’t mean issuing ultimatums, but it does mean setting boundaries.

Lead with love: “I love what we’ve built these last four years, and I want to keep growing together.”

Be clear about your needs: “For me, moving in feels like the step we take after engagement, not before.”

Invite him into the vision: “I want us both to be excited about our timeline for commitment. Where do you see us in the next year or two?”

If he’s truly your partner for life, he won’t dismiss your needs. He’ll step up and clarify his own.

Some people are comfortable with a “move in first, figure it out later” approach. Others need a ring on their finger or a date on the calendar before blending lives. Neither is wrong—but your needs are yours, and you deserve to honor them.

Love should never feel like settling. If you’re craving security and commitment, don’t silence that voice. You’re not being difficult or impatient—you’re being intentional.

You’ve given this relationship four years of your life. It’s not unreasonable to want clarity before giving even more. Wanting commitment before moving in isn’t wrong—it’s knowing your worth.